How do you value yourself? You may feel that you value yourself highly, and hopefully you do. But there are many things we do, say and think that tell a different story. These can be subtle clues that show how highly you really value yourself. See if you can identify with any of them:
Putting everyone else’s needs before your own – at first, this can seem like a very noble thing to do. But it really isn’t when you do it at your own expense. An example of this might be – when you’re invited out to lunch or dinner and asked where you’d like to go, you always find yourself saying “I don’t mind.” You think you don’t mind, but when you end up at a Chinese restaurant and you find yourself wishing you were somewhere else instead – then you are really ignoring your needs and desires and you end up becoming resentful, or at the very least not enjoying yourself.
Holding yourself back – when you find yourself holding back, for example not saying or doing something or being your true self because somebody else won’t like it. When you find yourself giving in just to keep the peace or being afraid to express your true needs and desires then you are not valuing yourself very highly.
Not taking time for yourself – do you work very hard and find yourself thinking that if you had the time you’d do things you really loved, such as reading a book, exercising, gardening, cooking, meditating, etc? But you never have time to do any of those things because you’re working hard to make enough money so then you’ll have time to do those things. You have it the wrong way round. If you value yourself, then you’ll take time for yourself and make the time to take care of yourself NOW.
Living in an environment you don’t love – do you love your home? is it constantly cluttered? Does it need a lot of work that you never seem to have the time or money to do? Does it seem so overwhelming because there is no end in sight? If you truly value yourself you will make your environment a priority – because it is a reflection of you, and how you feel about yourself and what is going on in your life. Living surrounded by clutter is not valuing yourself. Holding on to things that you don’t need, use, want or love is not valuing yourself.
Using broken items or second best – do you have a favorite cup or mug for your tea or coffee? Are you eating off chipped or cracked plates? Do you have a beautiful dinner service that you use on the rare occasions that you have visitors, yet the plates and cups you use for yourself are very old and you don’t even like them? You deserve to use things that you love. Things that are beautiful are not just to be brought out for other people, you can (and should) use them too.
Frequently getting angry – anger comes when you are afraid. You are afraid of losing control, so you get angry. If you valued yourself you would not be afraid and you would not constantly get angry. Of course, we can all get angry occasionally, and when you do, ask yourself what you’re really afraid of. If you valued yourself and felt completely at peace with yourself you would not feel the need to be angry, because you would not feel afraid.
Criticizing yourself or others – if you find yourself being very critical, it’s a sign that you don’t value yourself very highly. This applies not only when you constantly criticize yourself, but when you frequently criticize others as well – because when you criticize another, you are really saying something about yourself.
Not setting boundaries – do other people take advantage of you? Do they abuse your time and good nature? Do you find yourself getting frustrated an/or resentful about the way others are treating you? The way others treat you is a reflection of the way you treat yourself. When you value and respect yourself, you’ll learn to set boundaries and others will respect you for it.
These are just some of the subtle things that can show you how much you really value yourself. Is it time to make some changes and learn to value yourself more? Changing these things is a very good way to start.